Suborbital Salvage is a thrilling endless runner for Playdate that pelts you with asteroids and insults

Picture this: you’re zooming through space in a torpedo-shaped ship doing the dangerous job of salvaging material in a planet’s cluttered orbit when some giant, alien cousin of a fangtooth fish pops up out of nowhere and starts chomping at your tail. Pretty stressful day at work if you ask me. One might even be forgiven for, ahem, accidentally crashing the ship in such conditions. In the Playdate game Suborbital Salvage, though, your supervisor isn’t so sympathetic.

Slam into an asteroid or drone and you’ll be ridiculed ‘til kingdom come by the snarky cat who writes your performance reports. If the fish catches you with one of its enormous teeth, any resulting losses are your fault for “feeding” it (a violation of company policy). That cat has something to say about every slip-up you make, and it’s hilarious. In a weird way, it almost becomes part of the reward for finishing a run. Every time I catastrophically ended my turn, I wasn’t only eager to see my scores, but also what new insult the cat would have ready for me.

Your actual goal in Suborbital Salvage is to collect as many of the little “C” tokens as you can, and travel as far as possible while navigating a space filled with hazardous objects. 

Games Right Meow

Controlling the ship is a bit tough at first, too. You have to use the crank to point it in the right direction, while also pressing the B button (or D-pad buttons) to fire the thrusters. The physics takes some getting used to — and there’s that fish chasing you all the while. The farther you get, the more complex the areas get, and you’ll have to dodge everything from asteroids and mines to what look like giant space mushrooms, and navigate through labyrinthine pipe systems. Flying through rings will give you a boost to get away from the fish, as will flipping the ship in a 360.

The game had me on the edge of my seat concentrating on my survival at just about every second, but it’s not needlessly difficult. Once I got the hang of the controls and how my ship behaves, I was able to get pretty far. But there are leaderboards to show how you stack up against other players in the different areas of the mission — salvage recovery, distance and overall performance — which is always humbling. As are the remarks of that damn cat. Come for the thrilling space adventure, stay for the trash-talking feline.

Some of my favorite lines so far include: “I don’t know if it’s occurred to you but… You really should try flying through the rings, not into them”; “You know, most people try to steer AWAY from space rocks”; and “Are you between a rock and a hard place? No really. Where did you go?” At one point, the cat simply said, “Just be better.” (In the Settings menu, there's an option to toggle the dialogue from “Roast me” to “Shutup cat,” but really, why would you do that?) Suborbital Salvage, by Games Right Meow, is available in the Playdate Catalog for $8.

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