Help! My friend followed me on Instagram years ago and I forgot to follow back

There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying “k” to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?

Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Company’s new advice column, Posting Playbook. This week, Steffi addresses the age-old question of when you should be following people back.

My friend followed me on Instagram years ago and I forgot to follow back. How do I follow them now without making it awkward?

We’ve all been here. You meet someone at a mutual friend’s party and hit it off. At the end of the night, you or they ask to exchange social media. “Let’s grab a drink sometime,” someone chirps as you both unlock your phones. They follow you on the spot and send you a message, but before you can hit the follow back, you get the notification that your car’s just arrived. So you get home, fall asleep, and forget entirely about following back. Still, you make plans together, and again, and again, until one night before bed, you’re scrolling on your feed and realize you’ve made a social media faux pas as old as time—you still haven’t followed them back.

At some point in history, maybe when Google purchased YouTube or when Instagram traded in its vintage camera logo for whatever Tutti Frutti creamsicle design it has now, following etiquette became a solidified Thing, with definitively impolite behaviors and polite ones. Many may roll their eyes at the thought, but it’s true. We encounter it so frequently online—you know this person IRL, so why didn’t they follow you back? They liked your post but didn’t hit the follow button, what’s that about? Why did your ex-coworker unfollow you but not do you the courtesy of removing you from their followers? It’s only polite.

In my opinion, the best move in your situation is just to follow back. The good news is that you’re friends now and have established a relationship outside social media, so it’s not weird or sudden for them to get this notification. I usually send a semi-joking text, too, just to address it directly (usually something along the lines of, “don’t kill me lmao I just followed you”). It’s not really a big deal if you’ve spent time together in person since you can clearly dispel any suspicions of hostile intent.

There’s too much baggage around following, in my opinion, and following back should always be the best policy (for people you meet IRL, because stranger danger). What does anyone really gain by intentionally following fewer people than those following them? And is regularly “purging” people for nothing other than their follower ratio really worth it? What, you don’t like making connections? Personally, I love to see the content people post, even if they’re not corporeal figures in my life. I care about the lunch you’re eating that you think looks nice. I care about the Spotify playlist you shared, even if you think no one else does. It’s fun and interesting to see this dressed window into people’s lives—far more interesting than sifting through a wall of ads and sponcon, which is what social media is increasingly becoming. If someone’s posts are too much for my taste, I hit the mute button or sever the connection completely—as in, unfollow and remove from followers—like a grown-up. But it’s only ever awkward if you let it be.

Is it rude to mute someone on Instagram?

I’ve already made my stance fairly clear on this, but the mute button is the best thing to come out of Silicon Valley, in my opinion. Sometimes, I don’t need to open my feed and see daily thirst traps from someone I went to middle school with. Listen, I don’t hate the content. I just also open my phone on public transport. It’s not worth an unfollow. But I fear you will get muted. It’s really not you, it’s me.

Reposting every Instagram story mention on birthdays—annoying look or no?

Annoying. Listen, do what you want, but I will not be watching that sh*t all the way through. Your story looks like a heart monitor during a panic attack. It looks like a sewing machine trying to force its way through a pair of jeans. We’re long past the idea that social media is for some sweet interpersonal connection, okay? If your friends have a long passage to share about how you mean the world to them, that’s great, but I will not be reading through it, nor will I be scrolling through the 20 accompanying grainy photos of you drunk out of your mind from 2015. I want to see your beautiful old face as it is now. Y’all don’t text each other, or what?

https://www.fastcompany.com/91160770/following-back-on-instagram-years-later?partner=rss&utm_source=rss&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=rss+fastcompany&utm_content=rss