There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying “k” to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?
Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Company’s advice column, Posting Playbook. This week, Delia tackles your biggest questions about when your posting might test your friendship loyalty .
Am I allowed to ask my friends to unfollow my ex? We work in the same industry, so I understand why they want to maintain appearances, but I’m really hurt that they would even “like” one of her posts when they’ve known how terribly she’s treated me.
Hmm. This is tricky, because I think it depends on what happened with you and your ex. If there was any kind of abuse involved, for example, then I think it’s reasonable for you to ask close friends who have some idea of the full story to abstain from interacting with this ex in such a public arena. (Especially if it will end up professionally damaging for them to be associated with this person.)
Outside of those circumstances, I’m not convinced that you are justified to make this request, especially if these friends are more of the casual/work variety. If we’re talking about your closest friends, I think you can explain to them how fresh the breakup feels, and how you have mixed feelings about the fact that your ex is still in their professional orbit. Maybe it makes you feel jealous, or it dredges up too many memories. But I would otherwise treat this situation as if your friends were literally coworkers with your ex. You wouldn’t ask them to quit a job just because your ex still worked at the next desk over, right?
The real issue here is that you probably need to unfollow your ex completely, if you haven’t already. If there’s a risk of “seeing” your ex via a friend’s Stories or a tagged mention, you can explain to that friend why you may have to mute them for a little while. It’s not their responsibility to limit your exposure to a former partner; you have to be the one who sets a few digital limits for yourself. Eventually, the immediate sting will fade away, and then you might find that you enjoy having a little window into your ex’s online life via your friends. After all, I firmly believe that making fun of an ex’s posts is prime groupchat fodder, and also generally good for the soul.
Do I have to post about a friend’s project (like a podcast or a new book) if I don’t actually . . . like that project? Is it better to be a supportive friend or to be honest?
It depends on how close you are with this friend. If it’s going to be obvious that you’re “staying silent” on a big accomplishment or project of theirs, you’re going to have to address the issue one way or another. I personally think it costs very little to post a supportive “So proud of this one!” or retweet without having to, uh, read the actual book or listen to the podcast or whatever. No one says you have to leave a five-paragraph Goodreads review or jack up their Apple Podcast ratings (though that is nice friend behavior), but you should at least acknowledge the project in private to your friend if you don’t feel like digitally hyping it up for them. Tell them you’re proud of them and that it looks awesome; you don’t even have to lie like me and say you “can’t wait” to read/listen to it.
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