4 experts on how to get the most out of dating apps

App-based online dating has been part of our lives for a decade now.

What was once an exciting, novel way to meet a potential partner or hookup has become the norm. Millions of users are looking for connections online. But it seems the excitement has worn off. Articles and memes routinely pop up around the fact that dating apps have become as much of a slog as old-fashioned blind dates.

These dating giants are constantly rolling out new features and updates in an attempt to keep burned out singles online. But it’s not clear that any of these developments will actually help. So, Fast Company turned to people in the dating industry for some guidance.

We asked experts in the field for advice on “singles who are thinking about joining a dating app, those currently swiping, or those who are burnt out and wanting to log off entirely?”

Here are their responses, which have been lightly edited for length and clarity.

Amie Leadingham, Amie the Dating Coach

Advice for singles currently on dating apps: Most singles need to realize their online dating profile is like a target marketing ad. When I see blank bios or someone who doesn’t make an effort to pick quality photos, it makes sense their online dating experience has been frustrating with dismal results.

Your bio is a valuable space; invest time into writing something that highlights who you are and the important values you seek in a partner. Are you an adventurous soul looking for someone to explore the world with, or do you prefer a partner who enjoys quiet evenings at home with a good book? Do you prioritize family values above all else? Use your profile to tell your story and attract like-minded individuals.

Remember, photos are the first impression potential matches will have of you, even before they read your bio. Select five photos that paint a well-rounded picture of who you are, including one headshot, one full-body shot, and three lifestyle images depicting the interests and activities you’d like to share with a partner. Whether it’s yoga, cooking, hiking, or any other passion, make sure to include high-quality photos that capture you engaging in these activities. By intentionally presenting yourself online with an authentic and engaging profile, you’ll increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection with someone who appreciates you for who you truly are.

Advice for singles who are burnt out: Online dating apps, in a way, are just like social media apps; singles need to limit their time and ensure their mental health is a priority. I recommend spending only 30 minutes a day swiping on the app, where you set a timer to let you know when to get off. When you do make connections, establish a regular time slot to interact with your matches collectively, such as dedicating 30 minutes at 6 p.m. daily. This strategy helps prevent feelings of overwhelm and burnout.

If you feel discouraged by online dating, it’s perfectly acceptable and even advisable to take a break from the apps. Maybe give yourself a few weeks or a month off to reconnect with yourself. During this time, prioritize self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s pursuing hobbies, exercising, or spending quality time with loved ones, focusing on your own happiness and well-being can help you feel more grounded and self-assured.

For those who wish to completely log off of dating apps, remember there are many ways to meet potential partners in person, too. Seek social activities and events that align with your interests, as these provide organic opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. Whether it’s a music festival, the gym, an art exhibit, a sporting event, or a conference related to your profession, attending events you’re passionate about increases the likelihood of meeting someone special.

Erika Ettin, A Little Nudge

Dating apps are a tool, and like most tools, if you know how to use them, they can work to your advantage. A profile pointer: Write a profile highlighting who you are—perhaps hobbies, places you’ve lived, etc. Make sure that when you read it, you’re the only possible person it could describe, otherwise it’s too generic.

Blaine Anderson, Dating by Blaine

Dating apps are a lot like junk food. Both have a time and a place, but they’re easy to overdo—they take advantage of shortcomings with how our brains are wired—and the same way you probably don’t want to eat Burger King for every meal, you shouldn’t rely on apps like Hinge for every date.

Expanding on this analogy—our brains evolved to crave sweet and salty and fatty flavors, because sweet and salty and fatty foods were both very nourishing for our perennially starving ancestors, and extremely rare throughout most of human history. Then, junk foods suddenly became abundant in the past century. It is now fatally easy to over-consume junk food. We just aren’t biologically ready to have that kind of abundance.

Dating is similar. Our brains are wired for dating in the relatively small societies we lived in for most of human history. We’re not wired for having 10,000 options to swipe through and text with on dating apps—the dopamine rush we get when we match with someone cute on an app can be intensely misleading because there are so many scammers and bots and creeps online—and it’s easy for singles to land in a place where they’re effectively spinning in the mud by spending all of their time and energy swiping on people they’ll probably never meet (or at least feel a real connection with).

Advice for singles currently on dating apps: Don’t forget that dating apps are just one of many viable ways you can meet other singles, and they’re rarely the most effective or efficient. Get in the habit of making eye contact and smiling at anyone you think is cute in your day-to-day life. This will help you meet people IRL. Treat eye contact and a smile as a cue to start a conversation. Especially for men, realize that there’s nothing creepy about starting a friendly conversation with a woman. I surveyed over 10,000 single women in the U.S. and U.K. ages 18 to 40 earlier this year, and literally 95% said they wish they were approached IRL more often.

Advice for singles who are burnt out: Absolutely put down the phone, and don’t feel any regret. Dating apps are ultimately designed to keep you swiping (and paying) as long as possible. You don’t have to keep playing that game.

Alyssa Dineen, Style my Profile

I really encourage my clients to look at dating apps as a tool to use to meet more people in a shorter amount of time. But they should also be getting out to meet people in the real world: meet-ups, hiking or running clubs, signing up to attend events. In addition, putting the word out to friends and family that you’re open to being set up—a lot of people don’t think of this unless they’re told . . . and reminded often! Ultimately, it’s empowering if they don’t feel like the dating apps are the only way they can meet someone.

https://www.fastcompany.com/91122243/dating-apps-tips-experts?partner=rss&utm_source=rss&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=rss+fastcompany&utm_content=rss